Alienation and ill-effects

Right now I'm feeling like death half defrosted by a shoddy old microwave - I'm feeling sticky yet still cold in the core. I really need to wash my hair!!

I'm not long returned from my expedition to Miyajima yesterday with the 美術部(Art Club) and I'm trying to restrain myself from just going back to bed in an effort to get through at least some of my mountains of reading and assignments. I have read the paper for Japanese Society on Koreans in Japan but my will failed me and the lure of email was too great when I tried to hit the text for Internationl Relations . . . Thucydides also remains recently untouched in the corner.

I'm glad went with the art club. I'm sure it will be an experience I long remember, but it was the moment alienating and disenheartening I have had since my arrival. I must say now, that this feeling only lasted about 2 hours but was enough to evince a tear or two. There were most likely other contributors to this feeling, but the main event was waking out of an afternoon nap to go to the 'bathroom' by which, it became increasingly apparent to me, was meant a communal wash and soak. I'm fairly sure that I'm safe in saying a majority of young Australian women have issues with their body image; that I'm not alone in that category. I could probably count the number of times I've been naked with another person in a bathroom setting, since the age of 8 or so, on one hand . . . well maybe both . . . and I don't think one of them was with women of my own age (or any age, for that matter), that I recall. As I was told it was my turn to go in with two girls, apparently close friends, that have always seemed reluctant to talk to me, I was trying to explain to girl I talk to regularly, that I didn't know what to do and concurrently, was becoming increasingly perturbed.

One of them was already mid-wash as I girded my loins, so to speak, and stripped off. I was then rather perfunctory in my performance of the washing ritual, sitting on the little stool self-consciously using the mainly cold water from the taps whilst they happily chattered away to each other. They seemed to be helping themselves to the warmer bath water as well but I just wasn't sure of the finer details of the procedure and didn't fancy any more moving around and drawing attention to myself than was already occasioned. I think they were aware of my awkwardness, as they seemed to convivially inhabit their part of room as if I were invisible. I felt as if were separated by a million miles rather than less than a metre and not a stitch of material. Who knew that a cultural divide could feel so immense ? I think one of them hopped into the お風呂 (ofuro - bath) briefly, but by this point I had reached my limit of washing my hair without shampoo, not understanding equiette and trying not to make eye contact. The next lot of girls also seemed to be arriving so I grabbed my borrowed towel and got out as soon as was practicable.

I felt stupid for not dealing with my first crazy public bathing experience with greater grace, composure and decorum. They all seemed unfazed by the incident; I was annoyed at myself for appearing so ridiculously prudish. Yet if I had to nominate my greatest weakness it would be my hyper-criticism and awareness of my own body - thus making this one of the most difficult cultural differences for me to encounter. I tried to explain later that it was really just a matter of custom; that such things simply didn't occur with great frequency in Auslandia and as such I found my first experience a little disturbing but that I would probably handle any future occasion better - I don't think they understood. On our way back to the dorms they just kept saying　'恥ずかしい' and stuff about 'even Japanese school students are sometimes 恥ずかしい', but in Japanese obviously. I couldn't recollect that word for the life of me but I looked it up as soon as we returned to our rooms - (Hazukashii) to be ashamed or embarrassed. Yep, thanks to my cultural upbringing I certainly was uncomfortable.

Not long after that we were called to dinner by those members of the group in charge of the meal preparations. They know I don't eat meat and they'd said they were doing curry, but with vegetables so I could eat it. I was reasonably satisfied with their reassurances and didn't have much recourse for any alternative action as they'd refused to let me help out. However, when I walked into the meal hall my heart sank as I saw bowls full of that sweet gravyesque, hearty-looking, steakstew resembling thing they call curry here. Another of the more vivacious girls (the one who has a tattoo and always wears punk t-shirts . . . the fav for the weekend proclaimed 'Jerk off') said 'oh, you don't eat meat!' and proceeded to pick out the beef from a bowl for me and put into her's, encouraging me to do likewise. This kind of thing has happened before and I usually pride myself on the way I've handled it; not being too much of arse about my beliefs and preferences, but it was the straw that broke this little camels back . . . It just reminded me too forcibly of those close to in Australia me who would, in no way, have deigned to eat it. I combed it as well as I could, swallowed it down because I was really hungry and got to my bunk in haste. I felt bad as it was quite nice really, the carrots and shimeji mushrooms, but when they asked me how it was I was too frozen by the afternoon to muster any great sense of politeness.

I'm sick of dwelling this now . . . I should get onto study, but I wanted to document the experience as best I could before it clouded with time.

The story does end happily because though I shed a tear or two on my bunk, it was whilst writing a letter about what had just happened and I felt all the better for it at the time. Then some of the guys asked me what I was doing, in Japanese, and I was able to answer likewise. Subsequently, we all went off and got really drunk playing drinking games and I discussed differing Japanese and Australian fashions of clothing and hair, and weird Australian animals with a group of people, in a mix of English, Japanese and drawing til the wee small hours. Thus was my faith in this entire Japanese escapade renewed and I went to bed feeling wide awake and contented. THE END.

Surprisingly, only one guy was bed-stricken this morning!

自動詞、他動詞、助動詞 － sugar and spice and all things grammarish!

Today was another day at the office after getting to bed late again. I had a 9am class which means getting up at 7am, but I mustn't have set my alarm properly because though I woke before 7am I went back to sleep assuming I'd get a wake up call later. Thus at 7:30 in the absence of an alarm I awoke in a rush to be ready in half an hour.

Thus tired, I attended anime class for a talk about Lupin III and The Castle of Cagliostro, then Julie and I went to the roof garden of the library and sat reading stuff for anime in the sun which rather luxurious but sleep-inducing.
At lunch I met up with a girl (my nerdy LOTR pal) to interview her about movies in preparation for Monday's Japanese, and I ate my weird leftovers rice mixture.
After lunch was Hiroshima and Peace when I felt decidedly sleepy and felt too lethargic for paying too much attention to all that Japanese. Following this, Wednesday being my long day, it was straight to Jap linguistics . . . I was feeling like slinking off home but my perserverance paid of with a triumph for the day . . .

I actually managed to understand the lesson, whilst most of the Japanese students talked or slept. I couldn't believe how much I could actually understand!! This is the class in which I have struggled the most for comprehension because there is absolutely no English.
This class currently involves the teacher talking about basic verb conjugation that most people should have studied in high school. As it's obviously not something I have studied in that much detail or at all recently it's great consolidation for me. It's kind of reviewing things I have learned but in a different and more linguistically analytical way which I'm finding really interesting now that I can follow it. Many thanks to the Japanese girls in my class (esp. かおり　Kaori). I'm also learning and getting to practise (the only way to remember words!) using vocab for talking about the language - words like verb, intransitive and transitive verb, aux verb, that sort of stuff that's useful to know when trying to consolidate my understanding of Japanese.
The lecturer is also nice, though young and seemingly ill-respected by the students who talk a lot. He has started giving us (me and the Korean girls) extra explanatory materials (in English!) and sets easier assignments for the exchange students!

Sweet as a nut!
Knew there had to be a silver lining to the day (the blue-sky weather was another perfect touch)

A slow day . . .

Today was a bit of a wasted day, or so it feels right now. I just want to crawl back into bed. After staying up late again for no apparent reason I just kept hitting snooze til at about 9:30 I got a call from the office downstairs asking me to come and pay my rent . . . I managed to gather enough Japanese to make it understood that I hadn't had any money up until now but that I had finally received some and would be there within the hour to pay. So that's one issue finally attended to . . .

Then I tried to do my readings for International Relations - along with the textbook book we native English speakers are having to read Thucydides, but I just couldn't make inroads . . . as a diversion I used the rice cooker I have newly acquired to make up some rice for lunch and it was reasonably successful. Eventually I capitulated to the urge to cease and desist with readings and I decided to head in to Uni early so I could ensure I got a seat, as it's a large group in a smallish room, where I take a lot of my classes, and in this instance late comers usually miss out on a chair.

I then had Art Club and I went, despite desires to the contrary . . . a lot of the others were just hanging around and not actually doing anything arty. There was some discussion about what to bring this weekend to the proposed weekend trip to Miyajima . . . am having to miss going to a gathering at the Anime lecturer's house, but I think this'll be a super great experience - I've seen photos and it looks like they have a great time . . . Anyway, I tried to use what they gave me as printing ink to do a proof or two of the print I've been working on but as I suspected it was completely inappropriate for the task. So after trying to explain this in Japanese and talking one of the girls about what to do next with the bowl I'm making, I called it quits and came to check emails . . .

All in all I'm now feeling particularly uninspired!

Also, this morning when I ducked down to the ATM at 横川 station on BB it was a really bumpy ride and I realised that somehow, only two days after being fully inflated, the back tyre has deflated. I really hope that there's not a puncture! However, I am still better off then Julie who yesterday, when she stayed home sick, went down to put her newly purchased Daiso lock on her bike only to discover it had already been stolen after only a day in her possession . . .　Maybe the bastards were annoyed that they couldn't take mine too because I'd locked it to MDG and as a spiteful gesture let down the tyre . . . Yet another chore on the list . . .

On a more positive note, I forgot to mention, that last night I met a fellow Lord Of The Rings soulmate nerd and was able to take my nerddom to even greater heights by discussing what technical and translation technicalities and DVD extras we'd watched in a mixture of Japanese and English - oh life can be sweet!

Time to catch a bus home!

More late night musings . . .

I get the feeling I'm being ignored by my 'significant other' but what can you do when you're half a world away (in a non-The Royles Oasis kind of way) ?

My response would be to gloat over the fact that this evening I met a group of Americans who have just come over to Japan to study for a month at Shudo. I had previously been conspicuously ignored by a few of them who walked past me last week but I met more of them at the Welcome party today and was bouyed by the fact that a month or more here as obviously had a big impact on my comprehension and speaking ability. It is so much better than theirs - admittedly most of them have only been studying Japanese for 2 years as well . . . but hey, I felt authenticated and validated by the experience!

I should force myself to talk Japanese more exclusively but sometimes it's just a whole lot easier to take the easy option. Besides which, many of my classes are just with Evan, Julie and Karl and a few others so it makes sense to confirm stuff or discuss homework in English. I am now starting to make some friends in those classes I attend by myself or just with one other gaijin though and that is helping me to understand the classes, as they are most happy to explain things, and to feel less isolated.

Tonight was a good opportunity for me as I tried to talk exclusively in Japanese to demonstrate I wasn't with the Americans as most people assumed . . .
I went pretty well too and people were good about repeating stuff and explaining themselves because they were expecting a low standard of comprehension from a group so newly arrived. I also love that I have a knack for blending my accent and confusing the hell out of people as to where I come from. One guy also asked if I wasn't actually born in Japan as I have taken to writing my name in kanji (絵理).

The party wasn't very well provided for in the food department with it mainly being a Japanese take on Western finger food - itty bitty sandwiches and the like, no good for a near vegan. So a group of us ended up going to a kaiten zushi place (sushi train restaurant) not far from Uni, where Yuta （ゆうた） and I discussed Japanese grammar, much to our enjoyment, whilst Evan inadvertantly picked out some nattou but tried it at my urgings - he looked like he'd vomit. He gave the second piece to the only Arizonian tough enough to come with us - he must be the youngest too, a 17 high school student taking a college subject - he ended up washing it down as best he could with copious amounts of water . . .

We then got a lift home from Hibiki (響）and wrapped up the night with a group visit to Julie to see if she was still in the land of the living after staying home sick today, having spent the weekend similarly. Poor lady.

A thoroughly enjoyable day - it must have been some kind of StarDusty birthday magmatism.

The reign of MDG is over . . .

All things must pass, and having absented myself from all-night Karaoke on Saturday night (apparently they went til 6am) because I had to be up at 7:30am Sunday, I rode MDG (see earlier post regarding Misty's DoppelGanger) home in the company of fellow piker Karl. We had all well and truly made the most of the 飲み放題(nomihoudai - all you can drink deal) by that point so it was still a night thoroughly seized, whilst we now felt decidedly trumped. Little did I think that that may have been the last of such occasions because Sunday morning marked the dawn of an new era - that of BB.

I managed to get a free bike (new to me, though not entirely without 'character' acquired through prior possession) and it's sweet as a nut! I spent a good deal of time choosing from those available but I am now cherishing BB. BB is a little smaller than MDG but is a comfy little number than rides smoothly . . . in keeping with Japanese standards it has a front basket and weird and ineffective back brakes . . .

Yet, happily do I dub thee Black Braker for thy sleek blacky blackness and squeakless, reliable brakes . . . ahh the dawn of a new day . . . more cycling misadventures are in store for me now!

Alternate means of study . . .

I'm not sure if I mentioned how I thought that being a exchange student sure gave you a good excuse for mucking up in class. I take one subject, called 日本語学 (nihongogaku - Japanese linguitics) which is a mainstream,for Japanese students, and more often than not, I've had no idea what was going on. Thus I once spent the lecture talking to a girl in Japanese . . . yet how can that not be classified as study of the Japanese language ?!! A perfect scheme with naery a foible! Japan rules! How can I go wrong ?

A further example of this is that I have just come back from a class in which we went to Karaoke!!! Dudes!! Karaoke as a form of learning! Julie was sick today, and the rest of us were rather tired (partially induced by celebrations of Evan's 21st, and particularly for me, because I was up til 2am shouting into earphones connected to my laptop, transmitting my voice back to Auslandia and thereby having exciting conversations with Wizard).

The teacher herself, who is always ridiculously 'genki'(lit. health(y), but in this usage think 'full of beans') had flown in from Tokyo this morning - she tried to come here last night but because of fog they couldn't land and had to fly all the way back!! I said something about going to Karaoke for kanji practise and she said we would - I thought she must be joking!! But no! we had to work through lunch but then off we went! Though we had to wait for about ten minutes because the Korean guy who is a teacher from a Korean Uni ticked off to put something in his room and then somehow went off somewhere else while we all stood around wasting time - arrgh!!

I'm think going to bed at 2am last night has not increased my tolerance for such things . . . anyway, Karaoke for class - how cool! only, in actual fact it wasn't so hot as I don't know any Japanese songs well enough yet to sing them - I tried to do Tonari Totoro but failed miserably and had to cancel it! Oh well, the teacher said I was great at our shadowing practise - I'll just have to download some songs and start practising at home! 練習をしたい！！

Right, now it's almost time to go off and get some free sushi at the Welcome Party for a group from Arizona who are staying on campus to study for a month . . .

Very Merry UnBirthdays!

To two lovely people that I can't be with . . .

Happy Birthday Pooj! Hope you had a good day last week even if it sounds like it was a quite one - I'm sure you'll have a rocking time next weekend . . . I've been invited to go to Miyajima for the weekend with the Art Club - I suspect that yet more sporty games are afoot - for an art club they love their sport!! I hope someone gets you a 'fuck-off huge' key . . . they do have a massive spatula thingo as a tourist attraction - it's about 10ms long or something! Man, I'd try to send it but it'd be heaps expensive to post and I doubt I could sneak it onto the ferry!

To Miss StarDust! You're way past 'the wrong side of 21' now! Hope you have a heaps time with lovely peeps at your Potluck Dinner - please eat some imaginary spiders from me!

Whilst I can't be in Adelaide to celebrate with you kiddies we Kaikan Gaijin are having our own little party to celebrate Evan's 21st tonight - he's hoping it will spill over til his actually birthday which is tomorrow . . . hmmm . . . should be interesting for Julie and myself, who have to hotfoot it a half hour's walk over to near the Hiroshima JR Station by 9am to get bikes Sunday morning.

平和公園でヒロシマと平和と考えています

'Thinking about Hiroshima and Peace in the Peace Park'

In fitting tradition with student ethics the world over I wrote this on the fly the night before and day the papers were due. The tone is a little wanky because it was being handed up to an academic of Peace Studies, but thought it might be an interesting read anyway . . . besides the weather outside is perfect and so I should go be in it after a week of arse-slogging uni work which sucked! . . .

Living in Hiroshima has a tremendous impact on one’s impression of the city. It is a very different experience to that of a tourist visiting for a mere few days to see the site of the world’s first use of an atomic bomb against human beings. The name of Hiroshima is synonymous with World War II and the atrocities that humans have been known to inflict upon each other. I remember, as a child, seeing a play produced by Australian students about the story of Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. I found it deeply moving to see the unjust suffering of another person my own age. I have heard many reports about why the bomb was dropped; why it had to be dropped; how it had many positive outcomes despite the obvious drawbacks. Before my arrival here it seemed amazing to me that I would be coming to live in a city with such a history.

However, upon my arrival it became more important that I simply survive in another country, in a completely new situation with a foreign language. One comes to regard Hiroshima as the city in which you live; where you shop, make friends, study; doing all of the normal things that people do in first world nations the globe over. Hiroshima as the first city ever bombed by an atomic weapon does not really correlate to your experience of what seems just like many other bustling modern cities of moderate size. When one comes to the point of trying to reconcile these two ideas of the same city it can be a strange undertaking and one can end up wondering whether you have lost your ability to empathise or show concern for others. Surely I cannot have lost what I possessed as a child ? Is it simply that this is an event so heinous and incomprehensible; something so surreally horrible that unless you have seen it with your own eyes you can never really hope to grasp its enormity or severity ? Does this response have something to do with living in Hiroshima on a day to day basis ? I wonder how Japanese people feel about it, and I tried to ask them.

A friend who was travelling through Japan spent a day here, as he described it ‘doing the whole Hiroshima thing’. I came to realise that what he meant by this was visiting the Peace Park, Genbaku Dome, Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum and Hiroshima National Peace Memorial Hall. He said that he found it incredibly moving. Naturally everyone responds differently to things but I wonder what influences my experiences of these places and makes them vary from people from similar and different backgrounds to mine.


Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum

I visited the Peace Memorial Museum with a group of Japanese friends. It was an interesting and strange experience. It seemed an odd place for us to visit together; for them to take me to, because there is such a sense of victimization surrounding the dropping of the bomb. Though Japan was one of the major aggressors during World War II this decisive action, that effectively ended the war, was a gruesome incident equal to such condemned incidents as the German firebombing of Guernica in the 1930s. During the First and Second World Wars military targets were no longer restricted to enemy military locations and personnel; civilians were no longer inviolate to attack. Civilians of a country at war, of course, were never entirely safe, but the specific targeting of civilian locations increased at this time as a method demoralizing an enemy. Thus I felt that visiting a site such as this, with those who are potentially the descendents of those who died or suffered through this traumatic event, was akin to visiting a massacre site with Aboriginal people in Australia.

I asked a few of the different people I was with about how the Museum made them feel. One of my friends told me that his grandfather had been in Hiroshima at the time of the bombing and that his mother and sister had died. He said that this experience had obviously affected him greatly, but that he chose never to speak of it, as his way of coping. I asked two of the girls whether they had ever been to the Museum before and how it made them feel then and now. They said they had been once before, visiting on a school trip when they were much younger. At that time many of the students were very upset by what they saw and read, and that visiting now they felt saddened and horrified.

I was struck by the emphasis, in the early sections of the museum, on Hiroshima’s large amount of involvement in Japan’s military history. It showed that Hiroshima had historically been a centre for the deployment of aggressive action, with the Diet and Emperor residing and convening parliament in the city for at times during war. Along with the fact that the city produced munitions and other supplies for the military, like many Japanese cities, it seemed to explain to an extent, why Hiroshima was chosen as an A-bomb target.

I found it very interesting to see the full collection of the letters sent my majors of Hiroshima to countries worldwide in an attempt to have them desist in the testing and manufacture of nuclear weapons. It is wonderful that they continue to work so tirelessly in this effort and saddening to know that their endeavours are ill-rewarded.

I found the section of the museum dedicated to the human experience of those hit by the bomb to be horrible and surreal. It was intriguing yet awful to see the last effects and read of the dying moments of so many young people drawn into war to have their lives so tragically cut short. I cannot really begin to imagine how hard it must have been for a parent to search through wreckage and hospital bays seeking their dead or dying offspring. It seems similarly inconceivable that conversely, young children might search for their parents and perhaps never find them. There was a detailed section on the story of Sadako and other people who though immediately unaffected by the bomb had the terrible tragedy to be indiscriminately struck by the aftereffects of radiation exposure.

I was intrigued to learn more about the ways in which an atomic bomb actually works and grieved that people have spent so much time, money and energy discovering ways to incur so many levels of suffering. The initial blast and heat which destroy and incinerate people and buildings, the secondary fires, the black rain that results from the impact of the bomb with the earth and the release of toxins into the environment, and the long-ranging effects of radiation exposure.


Hiroshima National Peace Memorial Hall

When my International Relations lecturer American 'Parker 先生(sensei)' talks about the use of the bomb and other similar extreme actions of war he often analyses its worthiness in terms of the greatest likely cost to life; whether to have dropped the bomb actually lead to a reduction in the overall loss of life that might have occurred should the war have continued longer than it did as a result of not using the bomb. I while can see the potential necessity for a statesman to consider this when making such decisions it seems to be a grossly inadequate way of viewing this event in history. Maybe one must be pragmatic in a state of war, but as a civilian learning of the terrible suffering and deaths of other relatively innocent civilians merely serving their country as they thought fit, it seems intolerably cruel and inhumane; to treat an individual simply as a dispensable number.

The recently constructed Hiroshima National Peace Memorial Hall addresses this issue of enshrining, grieving for and paying tribute to those who lived and died through the A-bombing of Hiroshima. The Hall provides a dignified space to reflect upon those who died, displaying a panoramic vista of Hiroshima just following the bomb blast that virtually reduced the city to rubble. There is also a large screen that displays photos of those Hibakusha (被爆者 - lit. 'a-bomb person') who are documented as having died at the time or subsequently as a result of effects from the bomb blast.

Similar to my experience of the Peace Memorial Museum, I found the area devoted to documenting the experiences of those who experienced the bomb very intriguing despite their horrific nature. I felt sickened yet amazed by what they recounted. I was also inspired and impressed by the stories of incidents of incredible heroicism and the persistence of humans in the face of enormous odds.

Within this complex there are many computers for accessing a database of the names and details of those people know to have who died in or as a result of the bombing. In this database it is interesting to note the inclusion of at least one white foreigner who was a POW being held in Hiroshima at the time of the bombing. I have currently borrowed from the library, a book called 'Were we the enemy?' which AAdocuments the experience of people connected with the Allies who unfortunately happened to be here and were evidently perceived as reason human casualties of the event.

I also found a copy of Barefoot Gen in the library facilities area there and started to read this, as it is something I have long desired to do. I hope to return to the Hall in future to finish this manga and to learn more about this famous depiction of the human suffering of the Hiroshima A-bomb experience.


Peace Memorial Park

The Peace Park is a place I have ridden and walked through many times already in the one month I have been in Hiroshima, but as yet, I had not taken much time to stop and consider the many memorial statues situated within its grounds. One of the most famous statues is the Children’s Peace Memorial Monument that is surrounded by stands of thousands upon thousands of paper cranes. After visiting the Memorial Hall I walked through the Park, closely inspecting this well-known statue and accompanying plaque, but also looking at some of the more secluded monuments.

The Children’s Peace Memorial Monument is an important focal point for people’s attention. It really encourages everyone to deeply consider the effect of war and such atrocities as the A-bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki on children and to heed the cries for peace by those young innocents who have been so arbitrarily affected.

I also visited the Atomic Bomb Memorial Mound which is mound of raised earth formed from the ashes of those anonymous people who died as a result of the A-bomb but were never identified. It is a sad indictment of the state of war that one can be wholly forgotten because those you loved and by whom you were loved in return, perished with you or could never find your remains to appease the pain of uncertainty in their hearts.

Another important monument is the relatively recently erected statue from 1970, The Monument in memory of the Korean Victims of the A-bomb. The mass transportation of people from other countries that Japan invaded and occupied during the war is an interesting topic that is still a highly sensitive and contentious issue. Acknowledgement of this kind of thing has been scarce in some Japanese historical texts and with the current demonstrations in China about this failure of Japan to acknowldge past wrongs, it is an aspect of the atomic bombing and Hibakusha experience that is worthy of further investigation. It is something that I am reading more about currently in an effort to understand the issues and the different experiences of those involved.

こんちちは！！

This week I dub 'super budget conscious week'!
My money hasn't come through so I haven't paid the rent, because it was that or eat.

Due to the absence of money and the resulting fridge excavations, my week's meals have been very interesting and rather unusual, even for me. They have generally been edible though, which is the main issue at hand.

I have never been a good breakfast person - cereal isn't really my thing so I'd regularly have leftover pasta, pizza or whatever could be warmed from the fridge. Most of these items have steadily (cold turkey, in truth) been removed from my diet due to allergies, so still, the problem remains of what to eat for brekkie when you can't be bothered staggering down to the kitchen on the 2nd floor ?

Yesterday I made a great discovery for easy breakfasts and deserts - I buy tofu that's dirt cheap (￥38) and a decent sized can of tropical fruit (￥105) and bob's your uncle! It lasts for two helpings easily if I don't get gutsy, and though know I shouldn't be eating too much tofu it's so nice and healthy, I can't resist - you never feel gross after it and there's not stacks of sugar in it like those honey peanuts I kept getting stuck into a while back . . . When I get my scholarship next week I plan to invest in museli making ingredients so that I can make up a whole lot of toasted museli and be living the good life. Please note that toasted museli doesn't fall into the category of cereal, just if you were wondering about my logic there!

Tofu in Japan is quite different from that available in Australia - there's kinu (きぬ) and momen (もめん) - kinu is very soft and momen is what we'd consider soft too, but here it's the harder version. Last night all I had was momen, but the fruit with kinu tonight, it's like heaven on a stick!
Well, actually it's more like heaven in a small blue bowl, but let's not worry about particulars too much.


Today in a class we watched a rather harrowing video about the Atomic bomb being dropped on Hiroshima. Julie and I have to go to the Peace Park （平和公園）and associated museums and write about our experiences of them for another class, so we were thinking of doing that this arvo but it didn't look an appealing prospect immediately after that!! However, being short on time to it at another point, we headed off that way later in the day and had the cutest encounter . . . a grandma with a little boy . . . we smiled and she said konnichiwa (今日は） so we responded in kind, procuring from him a stuttered konchichiwa which certainly enlivened our walk.

Then we went and read about the torturous deaths of thousands as the result of the Atomic bombing . . . oh humanity.

The very model . . .

I would decribe life in Japan currently as like a scene from Pirates of Penzance.
People are being oh-so-friendly in their attempts to talk to me but most conversations seem to consist of the same topic ad norsium . . . consensus seems to be, like so many times before . . . soooo let us talk about the weather!

Every second word I hear is あつい (hot) or さむい (cold) . . . and as if to emphasise the matter, on Monday Sakoda Sensei went into an indepth explanation about the different uses of the words available for the full spectrum ranging from hot to cold when talking about atmospheric, body, water and foodstuffs temperature. At least I will be well prepared for polite conversation.

so far away

It's funny that my expectations of moving so far from my nearest and dearest have in many cases been turned on their heads . . . those things which I expected to find so hard to cope with have generally turned out to be relatively insignificant. Conversely, and more problematic, is that aspects I had considered minor or hadn't thought of at all, have proved troublesome.

I have an avid communicant from whom I regularly receive aerogrammes which have at times reduced me to tears or cheered me in need. But recently a pile arrived documenting their trip to Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam and I was struck when reading them . . . it's harder to feel involved when you have no idea of where the person is really. When their environs are so completely exotic to you and you have no notion of what their surroundings look like; when all of the things that are familiar and help you relate to their experiences are absent it's hard not to be fazed and to fully comprehend what they are trying to describe. This highlighted, for me, how difficult it must be for the peeps I'm trying so hard to stay connected to when they get letters or emails from me. I know what it all looks like here and it's completely familiar to me now, but it must be fairly much unimaginable to everyone else.

It's strange how quickly the new and unknown can become familiar and commonplace. Odd to think that only a month ago everyday life felt surreal, foreign and frightening. It was like starting high school again, where suddenly you are back to making plans to meet up with people just so you can walk in a gaggle down to the bus together because you're terrified you won't be able to cope alone. I've now returned to the stage where I trust myself to be able to do things independently and not be constantly in fear of a lynching for being a blundering 外人 (foreigner). It is all starting to feel comfortable now - I still get looks from people - 'Oh! Look! A white person in our neighbourhood!' but I'm getting to know my way around. I've started doing a few daytrips and more importantly, I've started to feel like my Japanese will eventually get to a point where I will be able to tackle tasks and get myself understood in Japanese. Sure, I still talk mainly in stilted phrases or ill connected series' of words, but my comprehension is streets ahead of where it was and it's only been a month. I'm sure that as I become more confident the rate will increase further as I push myself into conversing more regularly.

Tonight, whilst riding my bike to the shops I had this unsettling experience, again, relating to place - maybe that's what lead to this. I suddenly smelt an aroma that was familiar and comforting, that brought a rush of recognition and a smile to my face. But I couldn't tell . . . was it a smell that I associate with home in Australia that I sensed and recognised for that reason. Or am I starting to recognise new, alien smells as part of my construct of 'home'; fitting them into my subconscious patterns and connections of the known, the safe, home.

I miss you! Write me!